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Fifty Things

 Fifty things I've done:

1.  Written prose romanticizing lesbian sex to get a girl to like me.  It worked.
2.  Been cheated on.
3.  Vandalized a bathroom to fight the system.
4.  Had dogs named Bert and Ernie. 
5.  Wanked off to pictures of a friend. 
6.  Been naked in a bathroom stall with another guy.
7.  Played Sonic music on guitar.
8.  Written short stories about cannibalism and mental illness.
9.  Written erotica about enslavement.
10.  Played live.  With an instrument I had relatively no experience with.
11.  Written a ska song with me playing played trombone and guitar.
12.  Fell "in love" with a girl in part because she had a British accent.
13.  Been disowned.
14.  Twice.
15.  Vandalized a tourist beach for no reason other than drugs.
16.  Tried urethral insertion.
17.  Shed a tear during a haircut.
18.  Listened to controlled feedback with a wah pedal for 30 minutes.
19.  Met a former Boeing researcher at a Waffle House.
20.  Wrote for a music webzine when I was sixteen.  All my English teachers told me at the time I was not realizing my potential.
21.  Written porn reviews.
22.  Drew a man in a tuxedo on my penis.  Pictures exist.
23.  Cried listening to music.
24.  Skeet-shooting with molotov cocktails.
25.  Made black-powder bombs.  Videos exist.
26.  Taught myself HTML, and hoped to teach myself PHP.
27.  Quit learning PHP after the first night I tried it.
28.  Lost a job I had that was based out of Louisiana.  A year before Katrina.
29.  Self-inflicted a cigarette burn on my arm.  
30.  Removed an ingrown toenail using a knife.
31.  Blown smoke through my eyeballs.
32.  Given somebody a smoothie, extra semen.
33.  Played in a band I did not like.
34.  Rejected an audition to a band because I didn't "look the part."
35.  Grown feelings for a friend and didn't tell her, because it was for all the reasons she didn't want someone to have feelings for her. 
36.  Drawn the perfect woman.  Over and over and over.
37.  Met her, but didn't tell her.  She'll never know, either.
38.  Hated myself for hating myself.
39.  Run from the cops on several occasions.
40.  Been cuffed for possession of broomsticks.
41.  Was escorted out of Dick's Sporting Goods after saying, "Do you guys have any handguns?  College life is getting me down."
42.  Asked a lesbian out on a date.
43.  Bought a biography of John Belushi.
44.  Laughed at an epitaph.
45.  Accidentally called a retarded kid retarded.  Though, I suspect he was just a really annoying fourteen year-old.
46.  Went to school with a kid who is now a convicted sex offender.  He also looked remarkably like Peter Griffin.
47.  Saw Peter Jackson's rendition of King Kong while high.  I was still not amused.
48.  Can't count on my fingers the things I've failed at.
49.  Saved a life.
50.  Played and sang "Man in the Box" by Alice in Chains live.  Got an ovation afterwards.

Comments

Completely unrelated, I need to show you some pictures of Unit 731 and the Ukraine famine of 1923-1933. 4 AM finds and totally surreal/disgusting.